1 / Grief is not a bad thing. It is not a sickness, an illness, or a disease. It is not a flaw, a blemish, an error, or an imperfection. It is not a weakness. Grief is painful, yes, but it is not a bad pain. We grieve because we love. We cannot love and not grieve. People who grieve do not need to be fixed, or cured. They do not need to cheer up or move on or try to be strong. Instead, people who grieve need time and space to do just that—grieve. To cry, to weep, to mourn, to sit, to feel, and to remember. Our grief makes us human. Grief is not a bad thing.

2 / ‘How are you?’ is a very difficult question to answer. We often ask this without a second thought, but it is virtually impossible to answer this three-word question when someone is in the midst of grief. How does one try to describe or summarise the insurmountable pain, the bottomless sadness, and the harrowing emptiness in a short three-sentence answer that is both honest and socially acceptable? A more helpful greeting might simply be: ‘Hey, I have been thinking of you.’ And then, perhaps, if you are willing to listen: ‘How are you doing today?’

3 / Grief knows how to make its home inside our bodies. It sits in the pit of our stomachs, twisting our insides whenever it feels aggressive. It weighs our hearts down—mercilessly, and persistently. It forces us to breathe harder, to breathe faster. The simplest of things—like moving, walking, eating, and talking—now all require effort. There is no energy to do anything, because all our energy is consumed with simply trying to get through the day. Grief is not just emotional labour; it is physical labour too. And it is exhausting. Relentlessly exhausting.

4 / Grieving can be the loneliest of experiences. Most days, it feels like you are in a dark room all by yourself, and there is no one around to turn on the lights. And even when you are surrounded by a room full of people, it can still feel like you are all alone, cut off from the rest of the world. Lonely as it feels, it helps to remind yourself that you are not actually alone. Reach out to someone you love—someone you trust—and tell them that you need them. They may not be able to fully understand how you feel, but those who love you will try.

5 / Tears are a gift to those who are grieving. Crying is not a sign of weakness. Crying is not a sign that you are not coping. Crying is what enables you to go on. Tears offer release and relief. They are a balm for your grief. No matter what others may say, do not be afraid of crying. Do not shy away from your tears. Your tears may cause others discomfort, but that does not mean you should stop crying. Embrace your tears. Surrender to them. They will help you to cope during this time. They will help you to get through each day. If you are in a season of grief, your tears are a gift.